


Hallelujah

by Corvus_Aconitum



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non canon compliant, Pining, Ups and Downs, cursing, our boys can be stubborn, song-spired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 23:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11023863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvus_Aconitum/pseuds/Corvus_Aconitum
Summary: ~ He tied you to a kitchen chair, he broke your throne and he cut your hair ~How Nick and Sean find their way to each other. How they turn from colleagues to enemies, to allies, to... more?Getting along with each other has never been easy for them and often their relationship has taken an explosive turn. This is their way of doing things.Based on the wonderful song 'Hallelujah', no song fic, though.





	Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> Not long ago a wonderful person sang the song 'Hallelujah' and ever since I couldn't get it out of my head. This is what came off it.  
> Enjoy their broken and their holy Hallelujah.  
> Yes, shamelessly twisting lines of a song. ;)

 

**Hallelujah**

 

_Now I've heard there was a secret chord_

_That David played, and it pleased the Lord_

_But you don't really care for music, do you?_

 

 

It's been there from the beginning. Respect and reverence in the young Detective's eyes. The newest addition to his team is in awe of the Captain, that is known to lead his precinct with an iron hand but above all with fairness and support of his subordinates. There is no blind obedience in Burkhardt's bearing, though, never that.

 

Nick holds his Captain in high regard, feels drawn to him – unconsciously – and it is reciprocated in part.

Sean sees a clever mind, watchful eyes, a Detective with a good head for thinking. And he sees more, would feel more, if he allowed himself to do so.

Nick makes his way. First guided and then relied on as an equal by Senior Detective Hank Griffin.

 

>>>

 

The death of his aunt. Sean has had his hand in it, no matter that in the end she's died of cancer. He's had his reasons. Are they good? Well, that may lie in the eye of the beholder.

Nick is devastated. The Grimm in him is born, breaks through.

 

A Grimm unlike any other. He ignores rules and traditions, for good and bad. Nick Burkhardt doesn't play to the tune the Bastard Prince would like.

A problem in the making? Sean isn't sure, yet.

An object of highest interest that he doesn't grow tired of watching? Certainly.

 

 

_It goes like this_

_The fourth, the fifth_

_The minor fall, the major lift_

_The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

 

 

As time goes by Sean finds himself ever more intrigued. He watches Burkhardt carefully, sets his various contacts on his trail....

And is astounded by what knowledge he gains:

A friendship with a blutbad and a fuchsbau, acting as an arbitrator in the wesen world instead of bringing death and terror.

 

He is sure that this man will be his undoing, but in what way? He does not know.

 

He tears down boundaries and barriers of long standing and masters every challenge thrown his way. Nick comes out stronger and better every time, even when the Reapers come to kill him.

 

He... fascinates the zauberbiest on a deeper level than he has ever thought possible.

Is this attraction? Is this love? Is he dangerous? He will have to find out.

 

 

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof_

_You saw him bathing on the roof_

_His beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_

 

 

At first Nick is a bit intimidated by Captain Renard. He is kind of a legend among cops. And hell, reality is so much better than rumors! He is a good, strong commander and stunning to look at without being anything less than a man with a shrewd mind and enough charisma to lead legions into battle with only his voice and presence.

He wakes in him the need to prove himself. Not to make a fool of himself by groveling like some do, but to show this man that he has been worth the choice of taking him into his team.

 

Then his aunt dies. He hasn't seen her in years, yet it wrenches and twists his heart until it feels like a shapeless clump. She might never have been the mothering type but she has been like a mother to him. She has always tried her best to give him a loving home after his parents death.

 

Grimm stuff takes up much of his life now. Aunt Mary's death has made him warier but all it entails also has him grow stronger.

He makes new friends and learns to keep a great part of his life hidden from his colleagues.

 

As time goes by and the ache of loss dulls, his fascination with his Captain sparks anew.

Should he follow up on his... what? Feelings? Awe? Attraction?

It is a question that he will have to investigate.

 

>>>

 

On the rare occasion he sees Renard fighting, it is like watching a creature of myth. Renard uses everything he's got when he goes into battle and movements of his lithe, muscled body are as graceful as that of a true predator. Monroe would laugh at him for this sappy description but somehow it hits the mark dead on.

If he didn't know better he would say Renard is wesen but that cannot be. The man has never woged in his presence and to Nick's knowledge no wesen can resist the eyes of a Grimm for long.

 

If only he knew how true that was he wouldn't have worried with insecurities about falling hard for a distinguished man like Renard – his superior officer no less. But he is unaware of those fiercely guarded feelings and so he remains in the blue.

 

 

_He tied you to a kitchen chair_

_He broke your throne, and he cut your hair_

 

 

Nick is so angry he fears he'll shatter! Fuck! Scratch angry, it hurts as if someone has driven a knife deep into his chest!

Damn it, he has trusted this fucking bastard!!

And he's been wrong. Renard is wesen. Male hexenbiest... a zauberbiest. Figures, doesn't it? 

 

When Adalind has told him of Renard's schemes to have his aunt killed an icy knot has formed in his gut. She is deceptive and revenge driven but somehow Nick is terribly sure that she's told the truth.

 

He has also learned that Renard has been the one to wake his friend Juliette from her coma....

And now the man has stolen the key.

 

They meet by the hut deep in the forest. Nick wants answers, he is spoiling for a fight and the Royal isn't any better. A battle ensues.

But Nick is the angrier one. The Grimm roars forth and after a few moments of an equal fight suddenly he gains the upper hand. A kick to the chest that takes Sean's breath; a damn strong right hook that takes his consciousness.

 

>>>

 

He wakes up.

With a headache from hell and his hands tied behind his back to a chair – with sturdy tape that even zauberbiest strength will not pull apart. Even his ankles have been bound to the chair legs. Burkhardt is clever. Metal cuffs wouldn't have posed a problem. This is different. Dread pools in his gut.

What will happen now? What will the Grimm do?

 

Slowly he lifts his head. They are in the kitchen of the hut, which is cast in twilight of a dying day. Nick is leaning against the counter with his arms crossed in front of his chest, glaring at him as if he would have liked to strangle him instead of tying him up. Obviously he has been waiting for him to come around. There's a thin trail of blood running down the Grimm's face from a cut to his brow. Sean could have slapped himself for experiencing the urge to wipe it away.

 

At least his traitorous, twitching arms seem like an attempt to get free, not....

Well, not like wanting to take care of a man who has just knocked him out and might just yet torture him. He glares and aims for superiority.

 

“Nick. Do you think it's wise to...?”

“Stop right there, Renard! Don't you dare asking if I should be assaulting a Police Captain! You of all people do not have the right to do so! But maybe you just do not remember that _you_ have ordered a third party to _kill an old woman_!! What did you want to gain? Was is for power or money?!”

 

Burkhardt steps into his personal space, those gray eyes piercing his very soul, driving evidence of Sean's betrayal home with the force of a damn bullet.

He finds himself facing a storm. An angry, deeply hurt storm!

What can he say?

“It was nothing personal. As a Grimm she was a danger to my canton.”

His tone is wooden. Not enough, a feeble excuse. His own self-reflection of inadequacy is mirrored in Burkhardt's glare.

“That's a fucking shitty excuse if I've ever heard one! Tell me the truth! Don't I at least deserve as much?! You've wanted to kill _my aunt_!”

 

Inwardly Renard blanches at the turn Nick's words take. He has been found out. Partly at least. Burkhardt doesn't know all but he knows that there is more to his motives.

How is that possible? Being able to fool other has been a life insurance for him for as long as he can remember. How could he have failed now?

 

He draws up a facade. Cold ire. The displeased scowl slides into place effortlessly, glaring eyes freezing to icy chips of jade. Oh no, the Bastard Prince of Portland is not pleased with his Grimm right now.

Or is he? Nick demands answers, painful answers! Nick is hurt, hurt and so angry. He calls Sean, the powerful Royal, to account for his actions. Renard isn't accustomed to explaining himself to anyone. Normally he is the one to demand answers. Now he is tied to a chair, threatened, injured....

This is damn inconvenient, a heavy blow to his pride.

This is new....

 

 

_And from your lips he drew the Hallelujah_

 

 

“What?! Tell me, damn it!!”

Nick shows more of himself than a Police Detective ever should when questioning someone. But then again, they are not here as cops.

Sean finds himself contemplating the request. Nick might hurt him should he refuse. But if he is honest with himself, he already knows that the Grimm won't do it. Oh, Nick is angry beyond measure... and still he won't hurt him.

So why should he answer those uncomfortable questions? Does he want him to understand? Not a feeling he is familiar with, that is for sure.

He finds himself answering almost against his will. He needs Nick. And oh, if only it were as simple as the need to establish power and control.

 

“Whatever you may think, it is my duty to protect the wesen community of my canton. And Grimms – as you must have found out by now – are not generally known for sparing lives of wesen no matter their innocence. A Grimm in my territory means terror for those wesen living here. No matter if you want to see it or not, but your Aunt Marie did not only hunt the bad ones! She has long since stopped seeing the difference.”

 

“You could have simply forced her to leave!”

“I could have, but that wouldn't have removed you from her influence!”

A harsh whisper. Nick does not believe his ears.

“What?! Oh, _thank_ you! I certainly _liked_ going into Grimmhood practically blindsided! What did you want to achieve? Did you want to wait until my own ignorance killed me?!”

“I wanted to prevent her from turning you into a ruthless killer, you damn idiot!!”

 

And suddenly Nick finds himself faced with a fully woged, angry zauberbiest straining his bindings almost to the tearing point. He stares in shock, not only at Renard's appearance but at his words and the raw emotions causing his woge. In Nick's chest anger and grief battle for dominance as he processes what the man has said.

 

“ _She_ told me to hunt the bad ones! You wanted to kill her for nothing at all!”

Nick shouts and is this close to knocking out the Bastard Prince for a second time.

“Oh, really?” Those quiet words stop Nick short.

As Renard regains his cool the 'biest slides back under the surface. He cocks his head and for the life of him Nick cannot escape that intense gaze.

 

“And what do you think would have been her definition of 'the bad ones', hmm? Would that have been those criminals you put behind bars because you've made your way uncorrupted by her warped views or would it have been every wesen in your way?”

 

Nick has no answer. It wrenches at his heart but his mind is trained to think logically and cannot escape its own conclusions. He wants to shout at Renard, that his aunt would never have done that, but he also remembers naked fear in Monroe's eyes when he spoke of Marie Kessler, the feared Grimm.

 

“And in the end I didn't have her killed. She would have died anyway. She _did_ die anyway.”

 

Nick flinches at his words as if slapped. For a moment Sean fears he has driven him too far.

 

“Now I find myself reassured of your intentions. What about the key then? And about your little obsession with Juliette?”

Stinging sarcasm and a whisper wrought with anguish, which should have come out as cold anger but Nick isn't able to pull it off. He is affected more deeply than he wants to admit.

 

Ah yes, and then there's the unfortunate matter with Miss Silverton. Sean is nearly glad for matters moving away from his motives. For his taste their conversation has hit home too close to his deeper feelings. He could not take if his dedicated, lively Detective became the ruthless Grimm they all feared. And wanting Nick to keep his innocence is only the tip of the iceberg.

 

But back to matters at hand:

Adalind has put Juliette under a spell in revenge for Nick stealing her powers, thinking that she was the Grimm's girlfriend instead of just his friend and housemate.

 

“I thought I needed the key. It was either delivering it to my family, the royal House of Kronenberg, or facing death. I also would have done it to protect you. They want to see you dead, too. They've already sent the Reapers to kill you, as you very well know.”

 

Against his will he has to acknowledge that Renard speaks the truth. His statement corroborates with what Adalind has told him.

“And despite all this I will give the key back to you... because this is the way I didn't see before.”

The Captain's tone turns imploring now and Nick finds himself nearly lulled in by that voice which has lead him for years.

Not anymore. He is no novice any longer.

 

As said before, the death of Aunt Marie has made him warier.

“I would say that, too, if I was tied to a chair. And what the hell do you call this, anyway?”

 

“Think, Nick! I offered you the key _before_ you... knocked me out. And I would say I am forming alliances to save us _both_ from my royal family. I am not in league with them. It is the Laufer I am working with. The Resistance. And this is the new way I didn't see before! We need to work together to survive this... no matter what our differences may be.”

 

There's tense, nearly suffocating silence. Nick leans against the counter top again, head down, gaze on the ground, brooding and thinking. Renard's expression is not any less dark. He is angry and has the terrible suspicion, that it isn't his abduction he is angry about but at how deeply he has hurt the Grimm.

 

Suddenly Nick jerks forward. Sean pushes himself backwards with the chair to defend himself but the Grimm is too fast. There's the gleam of steel. A kitchen knife. Will the proverbial stab to the chest become a real one now?

 

A swishing noise, once, twice, and third and final time. The tape tears. He is free.

Bodily at least. He's not free of guilt or of the unforgiving stare Nick drills into him while they negotiate how to make a necessary alliance work.

 

 

_You say I took the name in vain_

_I don't even know the name_

_But if I did—well, really—what's it to you?_

 

 

Nick demands complete honesty, Renard renounces that sharply. Impossible and out of line, are his words.

“What do you want from me, Nick? I have told you what you need to know and quite a bit more. Despite what you may think, only because you know about my status now, I am not an open book for you to read in at your leisure!”

Renard's normally smooth voice is cutting and cold, his eyes are blazing.

Nick has the grace to blush.

 

“I will inform you about matters pertaining your safety and the Laufer. And will not deceive you in any way, I give you my word on that. But if you look for every detail of my life you are knocking on the wrong door. It is my life! I am the ruler of a canton, not some lowly wesen at the beck and call of a Grimm!”

 

“I didn't want to imply that! I have no allusions of greatness or some such shit only because I am a Grimm.... unlike some of us.”

The last is muttered lowly and accompanied by a dark look.

“Oh, don't you? Could have fooled me. I have a life of my own just as you have. You would do well to respect that. You are dismissed, Detective.”

Renard's sharp words sting much more than Nick likes to admit. Shame burns in his gut. He feels like a teenager caught red handed at writing obscenities on a public wall.

 

>>>

 

The Captain is instrumental in saving Nick when Eric Renard and Lord Samedi abduct and turn him. He is deeply grateful for that but with their various and bitter arguments in the aftermath of Nick's killing of a man it is difficult to salvage much of their relationship over this.

 

With the Volcanalis case their relationship does take a positive turn at last and tender, warmer feelings are rekindled deeply within while they work together.

 

 

_There's a blaze of light in every word_

_It doesn't matter which you heard_

_The holy or the broken Hallelujah_

 

 

None of them has thought that it would be like this. Kelly, Adalind and her baby arriving at Nick's and Juliette's house in pelting rain and with danger looming behind them. Their meeting has been explosive but in the end – somehow, no one is all that certain about the 'how' – they have established a kind of uneasy truce and it is decided that Nick will take Adalind and little Diana to Sean Renard, biological father of the child.

So Nick is there when the always controlled and distanced Prince gets to hold his daughter for the first time. He stays in the background, not wanting to intrude on this family moment, and yet he watches carefully.

 

Green eyes, calculating or aloof most of the time, suddenly show a gleam, that takes Nick's breath away. Renard is not an expressive man and yet there in his eyes comes to life a whole world of emotions!

Positive emotions. Love. Awe. Care.

“She is... precious.”

The man whispers and never has Nick heard so soft a sound come over Renard's lips. It makes his heart clench... not in jealousy but maybe in... yearning?

 

>>>

 

Once Adalind has retired to the guest bedroom with Diana Nick steps up to his Captain.

“Congrats on being a father. I would say she looks like you but according to Juliette I am a complete failure at picking out family traits in babies as demonstrated in one too many embarrassing moment at some family reunion of hers, so I'll go for saying, she is a beautiful little girl.”

That hint of a soft smile again and a warm gleam in Renard's eyes.

“You are rambling, Nick, which I'll ignore this time because I am just as baffled and awed as you are.”

The well known smug smirk gives Nick a fluttery feeling in his stomach despite just having been mocked by the man. Or maybe it is there because of it? For all his distanced act this has come awfully close to teasing... teasing from Sean Renard!

“Flattery is not needed, however. You made sure my daughter came to me safely. That is more than I can ever thank you for.”

“Who is rambling now?” The impossible Grimm inquires with mischief in his eyes. When Nick touches his shoulder the contact is fleeting, like a dream already half forgotten upon waking and yet Sean feels its imprint even hours later.

For now nothing is made of it. For a few short days Sean Renard faces the very real possibility of being a father.

Before everything shatters in the wake of Prince Victor's threats.

 

>>>

 

Nick is also there with Sean and Adalind and the others when they plot how to whisk Diana away with Kelly to keep her safe from the Royals and he sees something break inside Renard right then. He sees the shutters fall, emotionless mask sliding in place while deep within the 'biest and the man howl at the loss of his only daughter and the injustice of it all.

 

Nick wants to howl with him. Or maybe he wants to hug the man. Whatever it is, that Renard and Adalind have to give up their child is goddamn injustice!

They make a plan, anyway. Adalind isn’t happy but she goes along for she sees no other way either.

 

When all others have left Nick steps up to his Captain. He doesn't profess to know how hard this is to take. He doesn't know because he is not the father who has just lost his child mere days after learning of her very existence. He places a gentle, careful hand on the tall man's shoulder. An action that is far less awkward than the first time he’s done it.

 

“We will make her safe. If nothing else, we will make her safe!”

It is a fierce, if quietly spoken vow and after a long moment Renard nods. Determination asserts itself where before dull resignation has resided.

Yes, at least she will be safe.

 

>>>

 

What pushes them closer together, though, is a different thing entirely:

 

Nick is standing among the bodies – some dead, some unconscious – of seven hundjägers. His gaze is dulled by exhaustion. He is breathing heavily in the wake of fighting them all. Sean is a little sideways, watching him, still not believing what has happened.

A present from dear Victor after he's learned about his deception and subsequent hiding of his daughter.

 

They have taken him by surprise, one of them almost knocking him out before he could so much as fight back. Another attempt of his family to solve the problem that goes by the name of Bastard Prince Sean Renard. It seems subtlety has been a thing of the past.

 

They would have taken him to torture and finally kill, but suddenly the Grimm has appeared. He's been like a wild creature unleashed. Not once in his life has he seen Nick so angry and desperate as when he's fought these men.

 

He still cannot believe it. Of course, at some point Sean has had recovered enough from the blow to join battle but the lion's share of hundjägers has been knocked down by one roaring, anguished Grimm.

Nick sways on the spot, barely able to hold himself upright. There are various wounds and bruises already visible and there will be much more underneath torn and tattered clothing. Sean steps up to him quickly.

His Grimm lifts his gaze up to him at his approach. He opens his mouth to say something but whatever it is, it never reaches Sean's ears as right then Nick collapses in an unconscious heap.

 

>>>

 

He wakes up feeling warm and safe, although he cannot explain where this feeling comes from. There's pain, too. Quite a bit and in so many places that moving is very low on the list of things he wants to do any time soon. His thoughts are muzzy.

 

He lies with his eyes closed and determines what injuries he has sustained. Mostly scrapes, some gashes and a whole lot of damn unpleasant bruises, maybe even a cracked rib or two. All of them have been treated and bandaged as far as he can tell. The question remains, who has done that? And how has he come to be here?

 

He recalls clearly profound relief washing over him at seeing Renard relatively unscathed standing a little ways beside him after the battle. Looking up into those serious, dare he say worried eyes until his body has given out on him. The time before and during the fight is hazy at best. A blur of anger, fear and the certain knowledge that Sean will die if he doesn't reach him in time or manages to overwhelm half a dozen trained killers, without his gun no less.

 

There's the memory of gut-wrenching panic when he's learned of Prince Victor's plan to kill his cousin. It makes his stomach clench painfully even now. He opens his eyes, suddenly desperate to find out where he is and with whom!

He's lying in a comfortable bed in an expensively furnished room. Initial confusion is pushed away as dread takes its place. He could be everywhere, even with the Royals! He needs to get up and find out what's happened after he has fainted. Renard has been there with him but where is he now?

 

He sits up in a rush.

Bad idea. Very bad idea. It hurts like hell. He ignores the pain.

“Nick, I would appreciate it if you lay back down. No need to ruin the work I put into patching you up.”

This is Renard casually leaning against the door frame and that has been a command clear as day. Nick's head whips around so fast he nearly gets a crick in his neck.

“You are here! You are safe!” It leaves him in a breathless rush. He still hasn't obeyed the zauberbiest's command.

“Yes, I am.... Thanks to you.” The man strides toward him, head cocked just slightly to the side, stride purposeful, while Nick can only stare. When a large, warm hand lands flat on his chest and pushes him back down on the bed he is finally torn from his stupor. His whole being zeroes in on this hand pressed to his skin. A pulsing, living connection to the man he’s wanted to save more than anything else. The man he has feared would die. He could have taken losing a limb in that fight, he would have pushed on, but he couldn’t have taken losing Sean Renard. 

 

The realization hits him hard and it takes him a moment to make sense of the zauberbiest’s words when he starts speaking again.

 

“I think I have told you to lie back down. You may have managed the feat of incapacitating 7 hundjägers trained to kill, but you did not do so unscathed... in any way.”

Renard is dead serious. A hard stare drills into him in silent reproach... and something else. He holds his Grimm's gaze until he has made his point and Nick doesn't try to get back up again. When Sean’s hand lifts from his chest Nick wants to moan at the loss but he checks in his reaction before a sound can leave his lips. He might not be Renard but he does know how to control himself.

 

Looking up at his Captain he sighs.

“Okay. What happened after I lost consciousness?”

“What do you think? Look around you, Detective. You are in my house. You should be able to figure out what's happened.”

A teasing smirk has chased any deeper feelings away before Nick can identify them. Frustration at his inability to do so wars with a tiny bit of pride to have put a smile on Sean's lips. Nick goes on and already a self-depreciating smile runs over his face.

“Not a very glorious turn of events, I would imagine.” 

“My guess is: We fought, I fainted... you took me home and patched me up. What you did to those men I am not even sure I want to know.“

The Prince shakes his head.

„Not very glorious? Nick, you haven’t seen yourself fighting. I don't know what has driven you but you have fought like a demon. If ever there was a part of you that a wesen would fear, you certainly showed it to those hundjägers.”

Nick ignores the comment about his inner Grimm, ignores even the trace of awe in Sean's voice and instead scoffs in disbelief.

 

“Sean, what do you _think_ has driven me?”

  
Nick tries to sit up. This is nothing you tell someone lying down. Automatically Sean's hand falls onto his chest to stop him. He heaves a frustrated sigh.

  
“I had just heard that there were men on their way to kill you! I couldn't reach you in your phone, I didn't know where you were! As soon as I had located your phone I drove to the spot. And then to see you on the ground surrounded by 7 blood thirsty hundjägers! Do you know what that did to me?! My only thought was to stop them. I... would have killed them all if necessary!"

  
In his agitation he doesn't even notice Sean's shocked expression.

“Nick, I....” For once the eloquent Prince is lost for words. He cannot fathom that Nick would be this desperate to save him! Luckily Nick is distracted by another thing entirely and doesn't take up on Sean's bafflement. His Detective is staring at the hand still resting on his chest. Neither of them has noticed and yet instinctively they have kept in touch.

“I... should see about something for you to eat. You need to eat, if you want to heal.”

Nick looks up bewildered, torn between capturing Sean's gaze and staring at this capable, long fingered hand. Only now does his Captain realize what he's doing. As one their eyes wander to where their bodies are in contact and then look up to meet each others gaze.

It is slowly and with the closest thing to blushing that Nick has ever seen on the zauberbiest that Renard lifts his hand and stands up. Both of them are reeling with what revelations have come to light tonight. They need a moment to gather their wits.

Food provides a wonderful excuse. Once Sean comes back with a light meal they avoid heavy talk.

After both have eaten Renard wants to check on his injuries. At first Nick is uncomfortable with that, but the Prince is so careful that soon he is lost in watching those skilled hands in motion.

At some point Sean looks up from his work and catches Nick staring. A slight smile comes to his lips. He raises an eyebrow and cocks his head, looking down on his Grimm.

“Anything interesting caught your eye, Detective?”

Blushing Nick looks away but he cannot keep his eyes away for long.

“Umm, no. Errr... just checking.”

Renard smirks now, all the while continuing the task of spreading salve on a heavily bruised area of his chest.

“How about sleeping instead of checking. There's no way I will let you leave the bed in your state so you might as well get some rest.”

“I don't want to impose....”

“Come again?” It is not for show. Nick has spoken in such a low whisper that he simply didn't catch it. A sigh and gray eyes finally look up into his own.

“I don't want to impose. You did enough already.”

A bit helplessly he gestures to his chest as a whole. Now it is Sean's turn to scoff.

“You realize what you did today, don't you? Just....”

A sure smile ghosts over aquiline features as if at last he has discovered how to get what he wants. Green eyes meet gray ones with a knowing gaze.

“Just indulge me, will you?”

Nick shoots him a dirty look. He knows that he has just been played and yet he is powerless to deny such a request. So after looking for a moment like he wants to stick out his tongue at him he closes his eyes and relaxes into the pillows. He's asleep within minutes.

While Sean hasn't escaped their encounter with Victor's men unharmed, the fight has done a real number on Nick. The zauberbiest shudders at the mere thought.

And it is no wonder. Nick has fought without restraint, without a single thought to himself. It has been amazing and frightening and shocking to see.

His gaze is pulled back to his Grimm as if drawn in by an invisible force. Dark locks are in disarray, features finally smooth and relaxed in sleep. Sean finishes treatment, covers him with a thick blanket and takes a seat by his bed with the comforting knowledge that Nicholas Burkhardt is safe and in a place where he can make sure he stays that way.

 

 

_I did my best, it wasn't much_

_I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch_

 

 

Sean Renard has been shot, Nick has kept his Grimm abilities by a scrape after the Royals' devious ploy to take them. It is only thanks to the zauberbiest, who has given all to save him. Sean heals slowly, _Jack_ happens. Events take their turn only to end in tragedy.

They manage to push Jack back to where he's come from but things are bound to crumble around the Grimm and his friends.

 

On a fateful evening Nick's mom, Kelly Burkhardt, and his good friend Juliette die. Kelly has provoked the wrath of the wrong Royal by protecting Diana; Juliette – vivacious, tough, brilliant Juliette – has simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Kelly has managed to get Diana to Adalind and sent them both into hiding before she's fallen prey to Kenneth, sadistic member of the House of Kronenberg. They have known and acquiesced to what Nick's mom has done once it's become clear that there were Royals on her heels, and yet nobody would have been able to predict what would happen a short while later!

 

It's been their plan to drop off Nick at home so that he can fetch some paper for their latest case and afterwards meet up with Hank, who is following up on a different lead right now. It will never happen in this way. Sean waits in the car while none of them knows what horror will await Nick inside.

 

It is the gut-wrenching, inhuman howl of pure emotional pain that alerts the zauberbiest to something being terribly amiss. He draws his gun, rushes to the house and finds Nick crumbled over Juliette's body. Out of a cardboard box the empty eyes of Kelly Burkhardt stare up at him as if she were a grotesque article of home decoration. He is frozen to the spot, needing a moment to work out what horrors his eyes perceive.

He remembers vaguely that another grievous howl from Nick pulls him from his stupor. He checks for danger but as soon as he's sure that there is none, he drops to his knees beside his Detective. Sean pulls him away from the Juliette's body, away from that sadistic present in a box and into a corner farthest away from living hell.

 

Nick is lost in a dark place beyond reason or consolation. Sean is helpless, feels inadequate and hurts so much for his Grimm that he feels like he'll tear inside out. Words fail him. He is without a master plan for once. In his desperation he does the only thing that comes to mind:

Arms heavy as lead and a lump closing up his throat he pulls Nick into his arms. He strokes his hair, cradles him to his chest and is the only living soul to bear witness to one of Nicholas Burkhardt's blackest moments in life.

After what feels like hours of murmuring inconsequential things into his Grimm's ear and resting his chin against the head beneath his own Nick goes quiet. It is not emotional relief that causes this, though, but simply running out of strength.

 

At some point Sean becomes clear-headed enough to call Hank and with him a whole squat of trustworthy cops. He is there when when paramedics come in and begin assessing the man still enveloped in his arms. Somewhere in all this Nick resurfaces, going wild and growing terribly upset again. Renard remains by his side. Without giving a damn about who watches he manages to calm him down enough so that the medics can administer a heavy sedative. One glance exchanged between Hank and him clears up who will ride in the ambulance with their friend. Hank understands. He sees things that maybe even his Captain and his partner haven't fully realized yet.

 

>>>

 

Sean Renard sits by Nick's bedside when he wakes up. The man looks drawn and haggard, and more openly worried than Nick has ever seen him. For a few moments he can just watch the Prince and wonder why he is in such a horrible state and sitting by his bedside none the less, then all comes back.

 

This time it is different, though. Gone are anguish and howling with grief for in its place an icy wall of denial and detachment has slid. Sean sees all this and yet he is unable to pull him out of his stupor.

 

Nick is released from hospital a day later. He pushes on, he kills Kenneth in the most painful way, words of revenge for his mother and friend on his lips. He distances himself from all of them. Gone seem to be any feelings that may once have budded between Grimm and Royal.

Nick keeps his distance, he wants to stay numb... to survive.

Sean struggles with his own demons. He has committed murder while possessed by Jack but there is nobody there to help him through because his Grimm has buried himself in a thick layer of ice least he gets hurt and finally shatters.

The zauberbiest does what he always has done: He adepts and withdraws.

Nick is unaware. He is in no state to perceive another being's suffering right now.

He doesn't care... cannot bring himself to do so.

 

 

_I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you_

_And even though it all went wrong_

_I'll stand before the Lord of Song_

_With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah_

 

 

As days turn into weeks Nick slowly finds to himself again and makes amends with those he has pushed away. There is one of them, though, that he cannot seem to reach.

Nick has all but cast his zauberbiest Prince aside when he has been lost in grief – hasn't seen the other man's hurt and damnably he hasn't cared one way or another. Now that he realizes his folly it might be too late, after all. Nothing drives home the fact as well as a conversation between him, Hank and Renard about one of their investigations:

 

“Captain. I have a strong suspicion who committed the murder of Benjen Mayers. Following up on this might be a bit tricky, though. Our prime suspect is Sebastian Hillcroft, son of Chairman Hillcroft. Can we count on your support in this, Sir? If we go through with this we might start pissing on more than one politician's proverbial leg.”

 

This is Hank explaining matters while they are standing in Renard's office. The man in question regards him with thinly veiled impatience. He seems to be preoccupied with other matters already.

“You are a Detective of long standing, Griffin. I would have thought you could lead an investigation without me holding your hand.”

Those words cut deeply. Hank and Nick can only gape at this slap in the face by their superior. The Afro-American has to pull himself together visibly before he can reply; Nick looks just this close to exploding. It hasn't been the first time in the last weeks Renard has rebuffed them with cold words and barely hidden disinterest.

 

“Yes, Sir. I am able to lead an investigation... without your help. We will not bother you with it again.”

The Captain's eyebrows rise in a way that clearly says, what are you still doing here, then? Without another word both Detectives leave.

 

Once they are out of his office Sean sighs wearily. He does not have time for this. Hank and Nick want his help? Well, he could have done with some help as well and yet nobody thought to offer any. Bitterness resurfaces at the thought of the last months. He is frustrated by Nick's actions but also at still yearning for things that will never come to pass.

Burkhardt has pushed him away like a broken toy. It is as if with the death of his mother and friend any chances of more between them have died, too. The Prince growls in a decidedly 'biestly manner. How could he have been so stupid to trust the Grimm? Deep down Sean knows, that Nick might have been an asshole sometimes but that he has had good reason to veer off path for a while. Still. He has his pride.

 

While he has tried to help the Grimm, Nick has done nothing. At first he has been understanding, but as time has passed and nothing whatsoever has come from the other man, Sean has done what he has always done: He has withdrawn, pulled his protective walls back around him and hid his hurt behind a scathing tongue and cold countenance.

 

>>>

 

Nick tries to concentrate on their case but he isn't able to get that encounter with Renard out of his head. Damn the man! Why did he have to be such a bastard sometimes?

 

A voice whispers that maybe the zauberbiest has good reason to be cold and cutting. Maybe it is Nick's anger at him or maybe it is this voice exactly – telling him that there is more to Renard's behavior – which pushes him to seek him out again. The precinct is empty of anyone apart from him and Renard. The perfect opportunity. A feeling of urgency pushes Nick to his feet. Is this his last opportunity? Is he too late? For the first time in weeks that thought terrifies him deeply!

 

He resolves to talk civilly with Renard but at the bored, slightly disgruntled gaze the man throws him at his entrance all good intentions fly cleanly out of the window. He finds himself standing in front of the large writing desk, hands balled into fists and unable to get out a single word.

Anger at Renard fights for dominance with feelings of dread, urgency and impending disaster. It is as if he is standing on the edge of a cliff and there's only one way to keep himself (and maybe another one) from falling, only that he doesn't know what that one thing might be!

“Did you want anything, Burkhardt, or is standing around and staring into space your new approach to solving difficult cases?”

Again Nick can only gape. What the heck?!

 

"What is the matter with you? You are acting like a complete jerk lately!"  
"I don't think that is of any interest to you, Burkhardt."

Renard turns his gaze back to his papers, clearly dismissing him. For a moment Nick contemplates to simply leave but that voice is back and it tells him, if he leaves now he will never be able to salvage... to salvage what he has done wrong.

  
Renard's words have been a cold drawl, all but screaming at him to leave him the hell alone, but if Nick isn't mistaken....

  
Has there been an underlying accusation in Renard's words? A last attempt at asking for an explanation for Nick's bastardly behavior?

  
Of course, there has! Come on, Nick. Be honest with yourself. Did you have any interest beside yourself and your own problems lately? Sean has been possessed by the spirit of a serial killer for God's sake and you did nothing to help him through it while he held you when everything shattered around you. How could he have been such an idiot when even Renard had found it in himself to care and give comfort?!

Nick wants to hit himself over the head. He has royally fucked up....

 

And let's not forget Sean taking a few bullets for him on his quest to save his Grimm powers. The zauberbiest has given all... much more than his survival trained mind could ever have been comfortable with. Nick has given nothing. Less than nothing. Crippled with grief and bitterness he has pushed him away without a second thought.

  
"Oh fuck." A whisper. Self damnation and finally, finally the realization what he has wanted for so very long. He looks up only to find Renard's unforgiving stare boring into him.

  
"Sean, I.... I am sorry. I am so sorry. I have been a jerk and I've been thick-headed enough not to notice until it's been almost too late... at least I’m hope it is an 'almost'."

This time he doesn't back away, not even when the Royal's gaze turns icy. He rises from his chair, using superior height to his advantage. He won't face the Grimm sitting down. He will not feel inferior because of him!

  
"What do you want, Burkhardt? If you search for forgiveness and salvation to make you feel better and assuage your guilty conscience, you are wrong here. I have nothing to give to you."

  
"I want you, Sean." The words are out of his mouth before he has any time to think about them but they are oh so true! His eyes stray to the ground, he cannot help it.

  
Nick wants to scream that sentence at the top of his lungs to make Sean understand what he has finally realized but he only manages a raw whisper. Damn it all. After a moment or two he forces himself to look back up into unforgiving green eyes, to look into that stony face which looms impossibly high above his own.

  
"I want to give to you. I have been an idiot... and blind, just taking and demanding. I don't know how many times I have accused you of ulterior motives and of just taking what you desire. I've been quite the hypocrite. I don't deserve you, I am aware, which is why, although it sounded differently, I ask you what it is _you_ want? Do you want me to leave? Do you want me to...?"

  
He cannot finish that sentence for fear that saying it out loud will enable Renard to renounce it. But this isn't about him, is it? It is Renard's choice.

  
"Do you want me to stay?"

  
A long pause of heavy silence. He cannot keep looking Sean into the eye. Not now. Even steps echo impossibly loud in the absence of talk. Does the man want to remove him bodily now? Wouldn't he have deserved exactly that?

  
"Who do you want?"

  
"What?"

Renard is standing in front of him now, arms crossed in front of his chest and looking down on him with a frown.

  
"Simple question. You should at least be able to answer it, if any of your words have been more than empty drivel."

  
Nick thinks about that.

  
Who does he want?

  
"I want... the zauberbiest, ...the man who feels joy when he sees his daughter for the first time, the man who has accepted my awkward attempt at comfort to overcome her loss. The man who is nearly broken and yet... plays the role of being invincible like a true Master.... The man who has his faults and secrets and dark sides. It's you I want. I want the man without masks... not... not because I accuse him of deception but because he feels safe enough with me to let them drop."

  
It is a whispered rush of words, a baring of his soul. Tears run down his face. He ignores them, doesn’t show them to the Prince. Eyes on the ground, posture for once not brave or brash. Nothing of that shall influence the man, not if Nick has any say in it.

  
Silence. Long and heavy silence.

After an eternity:

A slow exhale. A hesitant yet warm hand touching his, pulling at him. He stumbles forward, face colliding with Sean's chest. There's never been anything in the world he has yearned more to feel.

  
They remain in that position for a long time, then Nick's arms slowly come around Sean's body. He seeks not to be held but to reassure. Finally, after what feels like forever Sean's forehead comes to rest heavily on the crown of his head. Despite their positions it is not in an attempt to reassure but to seek comfort... to be held and taken care of at last.

 

“Oh fuck, Sean, what have I done to you?” It is the barest of whispers but it is the first step to healing a tiny bit of the Prince's broken soul.

 

>>>

 

Without exchanging any words they decide to leave precinct and drive to Sean's house.

Nick trusts his instincts and draws his 'biest into his arms once they have awkwardly settled onto the couch. At first there's only a stiffening of the body against his own.

Does Nick give up now? Are they incapable of love and comfort, after all?

He isn't sure but there is one thing he knows: He will do everything in his power to make Sean see.

 

He remembers it well now:

The feeling that losing a limb wouldn't be as bad as losing the Bastard Prince. The fear for his life, that gut wrenching panic. All those emotions whirl around in his head and must somehow have shown in his bearing because all of a sudden his huge, magnificent zauberbiest slumps against him, ready to take comfort from his impossible Grimm.

 

 

_And from your lips he drew the Hallelujah._

 

 

In the months to come there is talk and there are arguments but there is also cuddling and comforting. There are first names and details about their personal lives. Then kissing and acknowledging that this is more... that they are more to each other.

 

Months turn into a year.

Going to sleep in each others arms, waking up together. Their relationship is not always an easy one but they make it work... most of the time.

 

It is their broken and their holy Hallelujah.

“I love you, my 'biest.” A whisper in the darkness, tender, loving... words of a man who has finally found his other half.

“I love you, too, impossible Grimm.” The quiet answer of a man who is finally on his way to being whole again.

 

 

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah._

 

**Author's Note:**

> It seemed to me like a trip down the memory lane... it was a wonderful, though, bittersweet trip... I hope I could put a little bit of that in this story.


End file.
